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humor:quick_jokes
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| - | {{ :humor:roycesitehumorgraphic3-forweb.png?nolink&400x287 |Paws for Puns, by Royce E. Barber and other authors.}}**Introduction** \\ | ||
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| - | * Thank you to the countless people who have made and improved these puns over the years. | ||
| - | * I've done my best to shorten the long-winded jokes I hear, to maximimise face-palm laughter.\\ | + | |
| - | * This page is dedicated to quick puns and jokes! Ultra-quick one-liners to crack up your kids and friends.\\ | + | **Introduction to Quick Jokes: **Thanks to all funny people through time. My part is to simplify long jokes into one sentence. -Royce |
| - | * Similar pages on this website: Marriage Jokes. Christian Bumper Stickers. Silly Words. Internet Chat Lingo. Internet Emotes & Leet Speak. Poetry.\\ | + | |
| - | .\\ | + | {{ :humor:ontu-humor-forweb-jpg.jpg?nolink&220x165 }}**FOOD Jokes and Puns** \\ |
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| - | **FOOD Jokes and Puns** \\ | + | |
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| * Why did the orange go blind? He was low on vitamin C (See)!\\ | * Why did the orange go blind? He was low on vitamin C (See)!\\ | ||
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| * The guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.\\ | * The guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.\\ | ||
| * I moved to a garden, it turned out the neighbors are bananas, but life is peachy, although a bit nuts. Orange you glad I moved here. It's apples and oranges from my old farm. The fruit of our labor really grows, little Berry started to get Peach Fuzz. I went to a music festival called BeanStock with my friend Berry, it was an organic experience. Good for the ol' melon.\\ | * I moved to a garden, it turned out the neighbors are bananas, but life is peachy, although a bit nuts. Orange you glad I moved here. It's apples and oranges from my old farm. The fruit of our labor really grows, little Berry started to get Peach Fuzz. I went to a music festival called BeanStock with my friend Berry, it was an organic experience. Good for the ol' melon.\\ | ||
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| **ANIMAL Jokes and Puns** \\ | **ANIMAL Jokes and Puns** \\ | ||
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| * Half-man half-horses always try to be the "centaur" of attention.\\ | * Half-man half-horses always try to be the "centaur" of attention.\\ | ||
| * A duck ran into a bag of potato chips. His duck friends said he always has a chip on shoulder. The duck replied they are all trying to ruffle his feathers.\\ | * A duck ran into a bag of potato chips. His duck friends said he always has a chip on shoulder. The duck replied they are all trying to ruffle his feathers.\\ | ||
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| **MEDICAL Jokes and Puns** \\ | **MEDICAL Jokes and Puns** \\ | ||
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| * Awaking in a hospital, Bob couldn't feel his legs. The doc shouts, "Because I cut off your hands!"\\ | * Awaking in a hospital, Bob couldn't feel his legs. The doc shouts, "Because I cut off your hands!"\\ | ||
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| * Two antennas got married. The ceremony was noisy, but the reception was excellent.\\ | * Two antennas got married. The ceremony was noisy, but the reception was excellent.\\ | ||
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| **CRIME Jokes and Puns** \\ | **CRIME Jokes and Puns** \\ | ||
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| * Airport security are really some detectives, they are always "cracking cases".\\ | * Airport security are really some detectives, they are always "cracking cases".\\ | ||
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| **MONEY Jokes and Puns** \\ | **MONEY Jokes and Puns** \\ | ||
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| * I used to be a banker but I lost interest .\\ | * I used to be a banker but I lost interest .\\ | ||
| * Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.\\ | * Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.\\ | ||
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| **NATURE Jokes and Puns** \\ | **NATURE Jokes and Puns** \\ | ||
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| * Don't test the depth of a river with both feet.\\ | * Don't test the depth of a river with both feet.\\ | ||
| * How does a tree feel at spring? Relieved.\\ | * How does a tree feel at spring? Relieved.\\ | ||
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| **SPORTS Jokes and Puns** \\ | **SPORTS Jokes and Puns** \\ | ||
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| * I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.\\ | * I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.\\ | ||
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| **SCIENCE Jokes and Puns** \\ | **SCIENCE Jokes and Puns** \\ | ||
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| * Where does an astronaut writer hang out? He Escapes to the Space Bar. He had no Control of his Shift.\\ | * Where does an astronaut writer hang out? He Escapes to the Space Bar. He had no Control of his Shift.\\ | ||
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| **INSULT Jokes and Puns** \\ | **INSULT Jokes and Puns** \\ | ||
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| * You're not just a tool, you're the entire shed.\\ | * You're not just a tool, you're the entire shed.\\ | ||
| * You're not the sharpest crayon in the silverware bucket.\\ | * You're not the sharpest crayon in the silverware bucket.\\ | ||
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| **MORE (misc) Jokes and Puns** \\ | **MORE (misc) Jokes and Puns** \\ | ||
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| * I asked a mermaid if her fridge is running. She said no, it's swimming.\\ | * I asked a mermaid if her fridge is running. She said no, it's swimming.\\ | ||
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| **From Internet Memes aka Motivational Posters** \\ | **From Internet Memes aka Motivational Posters** \\ | ||
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| * What if I like it, but don't put a ring on it?\\ | * What if I like it, but don't put a ring on it?\\ | ||
| * I notice a gentleman, do I say Hey or Hello?\\ | * I notice a gentleman, do I say Hey or Hello?\\ | ||
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| **Advice for Jokes and Timing** \\ | **Advice for Jokes and Timing** \\ | ||
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| * Jokes exist to brighten your day, and should only bring happiness to others.\\ | * Jokes exist to brighten your day, and should only bring happiness to others.\\ | ||
| * Long jokes irritate people.\\ | * Long jokes irritate people.\\ | ||
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| **Internet Resources** \\ | **Internet Resources** \\ | ||
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| * PunPedia, an encyclopedia of puns: [[http://punpedia.org/|http://punpedia.org/]] | * PunPedia, an encyclopedia of puns: [[http://punpedia.org/|http://punpedia.org/]] | ||
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| + | {{ :spacerline-ontuorg-forweb-mini.jpg?nolink&400x45 |spacerline-ontuorg-forweb-mini.jpg}}. | ||
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| + | **FootNotes and Misc…** | ||
| + | |||
| + | * I've done my best to shorten the long-winded jokes I hear, to maximimise face-palm laughter.\\ | ||
| + | * This page is dedicated to quick puns and jokes! Ultra-quick one-liners to crack up your kids and friends.\\ | ||
| + | * Similar pages on this website: Marriage Jokes. Christian Bumper Stickers. Silly Words. Internet Chat Lingo. Internet Emotes & Leet Speak. Poetry.\\ | ||
| + | . | ||
humor/quick_jokes.txt · Last modified: 2018/03/26 19:37 by reb
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