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Forward [thus far]: This book is free to read while in production. Always link to this page, and write my full name "Royce Edward Barber" when citing/quoting/referencing content from this book.  \\
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**Humor Poem. "Ridiculous 2014 Lullaby". An original Poem by Royce Barber. 2014.** \\
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Propane powered rocks never run out of sprinkled ham. Are your socks infected with bubble-wrap? Throw a blanket over it. Throw a blanket over everything like you're trying to make oatmeal out of trees. We can't assume a paralyzed elf has transparent seahorse scales. So I awoke in a place of cats pawing faster than juice. You may think old beach towels don't have time to rescue your gimpy walnut. Yet, the strength of a sassy friendship garden is swifter than hair. That hair depends on how clean your knee pit looks in the daylight, my sweet. For one single bean may grow five and a half drops of love. Sipping tears the size of a football. Mashing turnip grease on a security door is easier said than slurped, because the good warship Mexico can glaze a bear paw like it means corporate business. He'll shave your moose like butter corn squeezed through a peach radar. Examine the facts, you can't put a price on the lemon king, the market is too jiggly. Our burritos are made entirely of vitamin C. Robot penguins flail their arms in excitement. The military never did allow paper bags, the risk was too great. So slap a pancake, if not for yourself then for those who never could. Raccoon physics paved the way to jive snares. Not just any spoon transplant will do. Next you'll be saying door hinges really work. Rinse off that lava, you know where it's been. My people the mole men, often squeeze chopped washing machines. For maximum fumbling, apply organic shoes directly to a dogs paw. Flowers scrape diamonds, it's just math. That's when I made a perfectly round shoe, from a single piece of wet string. Fire trucks weren't meant to get this fresh, it's just not decent. When our village elder peels bark from a tree, it's music to my liver, you know the taste? Emulate illuminated cogs like moss on a cracker. Some day he'll go far, and we hope he stays there. Dmitri won five potato chips in the shape of joy, which he traded in for a reservation to have orange juice with Oprah. Notice the grassy scent of a glass of chia pets in plastic bags. Your knee pits say no, but your ears say yes. It really takes an old jar of dogs to learn new tricks. I'm talking about an empty spoon. You see, the Chinese team are known for flying a boat over five school busses. So I was found to be licking a grand crystal stair case dirtied by candle light if you wink with half a smile. It's there where bugs sell each other houses made of hair. As she follows the power drill to soft, soft buried treasure, she got a glimpse of her dream man. This was his first workshop teaching how to cook a jam covered car engine in an Amish pizza. The village, was never the same. Needless to say we lit candles in remembrance. In an unexpected turn of events, the city council voted in more ham spice than the electrical plug of a train speeding in a circle over a dog in a pointy helmet, if you see what I hear. My father was too far ahead of a birdhouse with no door hole. That's what you get for feeding a chicken it's triangle oranges by the sparkling light of hamster meat. The strange part is behind us now, where two moose intersect to create a breakfast for champions. Only the heart protests. Glancing at the right nostril of a needlessly specific kind of raccoon, a turtle in a bouncehouse took one dignified step toward his natural enemy. \\
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**Humor Poem. “Preposterous 2002 Lullaby”. An original poem by Royce Barber. 2002-2013.** \\
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Gravity is not just a good idea, it's the law! Whilst rolling around on the floor, lemony-fresh victory was as unpredictable as the nervous park squirrel. Have you jammed a baby goat into a startled dolphins yawning mouth? The danger of drying water on the toe of a moose, defeats the purpose of eating an elephants ear. Scraping spam from his fangs, bigfoot takes pictures of my vacation home on the sun, where writing this poem was like drinking unicorn giggles. Do let me interrupt the floating medicine; may we change the subject to something wholly about cheetah’s running on slippery floors? I feel that it makes me feel like a tall tree, as opposed to jellyfish celebrations which started a thousand years ago when a squirrel saved the world’s most majestic potato with his claws in the instantaneous flash of an ancient turtle’s lifetime. We were all clear on the rules and there was but one: No flying like a cheetah under a bridge made of ripe bananas and one falls into the cheetahs mouth and gets him on the banana addiction that was so good it’s got to be fattening but you know it’s healthy like a monkey salad but without the monkey 'cause dogs don’t know it’s not bacon yet it is and it’s the Jello-covered humans getting all the minty . Eating is unnatural. Artificial intelligence has gone too far this time, what with screens and savers. Just then she blinked, next she raised the cheetah from a cub and put it in the oven then announced on national TV that she ate her baby. Mr. Grumpy Snail watched this telecast and played a flute, as is the way of the snail; and I simply cannot teach your child to do manual labor at this hour. I hope to see you soon for tea, as we are to get married by noon. You know what always cheers me up, robot fish who comb peoples hair all electronic like and have a snazzy dew. We turn to masculine Mr. Smith, who says he is a jolly frolicking, innocent, piece of mud pie. Fork over those lady fingers, cookie. In an FBI investigation, hiccups pay off if you wish to become a crafty consumer’s hunger for fledgling dog ribs. It was like dipping your feet in the silkiest oils and creams, a plunge in feathery rainbow mist, a retreat into the lovely depths of glory and fizzy sprinkled bliss. That’ll teach the first person I see, a lesson. I look back on ten years of buying factories factory direct. Apples don’t just grow on trees, hobbits do. Our computers are 100% less suck, says the newly merged LinuxMicroAppleSoft. Pray daily and nightly and in-between prayers whilst gurgling sacred water. Fanatical bananas dismantled the weeping gorilla, this upsets the pope of air fresheners, to live in a reflection so grand it sprinkles over and under the white cheetah snarls are smeared in a smorgasbord of sock-puppets who smell like sinking crackers. I know you'll lick them; you never do more than less, it’s planting dance steps like a golden case of mumbling Samurai. The Alka-Seltzer drank her, no longer crawling from the dinghy. It glows in the dark, dont'cha know. Burning intergalactic toe rings ejected from a certain ex-penal colony, NOT like your uvula, it’s made of salt, and you know the feeling? Shifting eyes of a crazed manager in your closet, who loves the fudge vat, will never bait a peachy spectro-vision because I can’t give my full self. It’s driving you crazy, but that’s vigorously pneumatic. Thus the shoe told me of a golden chia-pet, please hang up and try again. Crusty grunion, how's a spork gonna shuffle into his pants like that? Got any frumpy strudel weasels? The dog filled type. Pants are not allowed in this academic facility, you’ll have to eat them with your mouth. The duck has just blown up in my face, now I’ve gotta squint, to eat this metallic pickle. (Sounds of gnawing, chewing, and grunting.) Selling spicy sky sauce is the norm; you’ve got to slap a piglet to get anywhere these days. Bring out your almost nearly dead! Vroom! On behalf of the prince of tap-dance, unlike dancing tap, I MUST thank you for clapping the rabid pool monkey. Children are dreadfully real. If you've enjoyed this tuned program, tune to a random megacycle on your radio or eat a badger's tongue, but once a year! A bun of space for melted sports sox. The older the new, some folks grew some folks spew. Meanwhile, under the Australian Alps, two elderly skunks munched on chilled cheddar. Behind and over and around me, the festivities have already begun in isle two. Tell me or I’ll laugh uncontrollably at your tie, are you enjoying the overpriced wine? Why yes your highness, the king says this festival has robotic monks and synthetic toast to her majesty the queen of burly men. Bagel sauce is needed here, as the cue card directly hints. Just then, a tub of moogle men overthrew my tinfoil palace with a huff and a puff. Candles lit up my inner web of silky moose-kabob. Allow me, baron, to widdle your spare arm of sheepishly gay dancing. Everywhere it’s the end of the time, Hollywood explosions and decapitations, jolly good old captain arrest this glove! Chunky bang tinkle, oh wise one. Bring your own body. Say are you descended from snore snail sewing mowing rowing going blowing flowing. Plenty, if I may plunder your corn. You’ve just won a dollar and a trip to the padded room, if the shoe fits an operator I’ve been cut off. Super ultra mega probe turbo redial. It’s air junkies, says the female ensnarement. You owe your life to dental hygiene, life I say! More intense, Sir Maestro Proprietor Conductor. Diminutive yoink blazing bobble foof if you sneezed on yoink coherent tally ho! Siren blazes, light flashes, the streets clear out, rain pours, and one kitten gobbles up the biped’s fatty lardy fatness. Sing to me daddy, scratch the hot air balloon. Robin Hood and Batman are getting married?! Foreign ministers gush out of their overwhelming bus load of resorting to the dry cleaners. Who could blame Pikachu? Festive occasions, if you ask me I think it’s insane, twice a week sometimes! For safety, don’t say yes to me. Private line?, I’ve been on this line for eight years! I’ve wanted to pass this day like a bloody snorch of planet sneegle passes its young, slippery and bursting of fizzy bubbly soda. Car pool of a life sentence, batman, I shall add the glass house defies their loss & gains sound box ticking away KABOOM, white washes away the white leaving white, and all its nice wonderful friends, as I giggle and prance in front of the president of the United States of Africa. He asks for my house plans, so I gave him the Earth in a Jell-O mold. That’s one trouble with dual identities, dual responsibilities. Good for you my boy, don’t let them steamroll your breaded slave camp. Mud wrestling is against one percentage of the egg yolk industry, yo. Use a ruler you hairy burly barbaric shirtless ore-rowing banker. Chunky soup tastes of monocle magnification by the hydro flux quantro graviton thrusters, incorporating one trillion hasty nothings into my sour wish of freedom. Don’t rub my back so hard, unless everyone will one day fly around under stage thinking, feasting on FLESH of a sunny side-up T-Rex. Happy Easter is the time of year for snow cones melted down bingo; I like a big noodle in my milk. Don’t cachinnate while you convulse into guffaw-style whiz gigging. Wanted, a washed off life in first-class shape, a stunning Asian undergoing absorption good-naturedly offering compressed minerals bounce out of pinch a push-button world of tomorrow the poodle shaves itself into cube shaped fluff cake had a sharp vibrating sound, much unto itself a chummy wiggle wobble. What better than a winding nitro whale in your hair than a beanie which was too tight and cut off your Band-Aids now wow bow how chow cow goes moo; is what a lively sunny burst of ultraviolet rays slicing through your skin makes for grand beef jerky taste of the united states amendment when it gets better by the fashion police who are arrested for assisting in the assassination of said turtle polish to a blinding shine, having thick curly hair of varying color to radiate a snickering ground hog's alternating desire for cattle-hide high-heels. She wants me for my miniature ship in a bottle of hunting dogs, like gratuitous free samples of wet coupons for travel popups that eliminate your sculpted eggbeater. I say, burlesque buffoonery escapade unto simpleton monkeyshine. CAPITAL LETTERS were founded in this sentence. Getting hitched with lizard-men, how does the duplex engine hum an imaginary tomato with fingers in my garage? Hundreds of grasslands need to be steam cleaned, don’t stand there, dance over the orange galaxy, that’ll show fate who’s over charged their credit report printed on the same clouds have no juice; it's been a clothed learning excavation. Batgirl sang a whimper to the wet stone wall, it’s comforting glare eating at her spinal injustice tends to watch the supermarket run on a can of sardines for a week, not afraid to fall off, but you don’t need to heat hot water; itching the contest of an anonymous letter from her hand, it’s not that heavy until we write with a paper or a pencil, not both. NOT BOTH! Your weekly passport to adventure, I’ll tell you a scorching story of a moose that uses red-hot lava to moisturize his skin, as he eats a bowl of diamonds every morning, and then he invented all 32 letters of the alphabet, letters that brought a tear to his eyes. A fuzzy bunny holds onto the rope, lifting him far into the mountains, past jagged teeth and night terrors, until he lands on the tongue of a whale in search of a whale with a reflective surface and a slight overbite. Oh let me try, now do you see what I mean, and that wasn’t all we found. I swear it just followed me home, make it do something else. Slow, to the bat mobile, Robin. As the president bites his tongue. Are you aloud to do that, land and repeat in a polish sausage kind of way, down in the new teeth we wag our transparent tails, it should have been melted lace makes for textured mouth wobbles. A crazy taco still needs to edit this whole document today, yesterday, and tomorrow-day. We turn the camera to the silver barbarian next Tuesday at the life-size caramel apple, to be fused with the president. So I’ve been in the city for 2 years and lost for 3. Oh yes the naturalist abortion line, you get free gifts for two. Not with the rain, it filters multicolor elephants are salty and we must stop the film, further scenes have a violent nature. And now we show you blood, and the carcass it drips from. I’ve got love in my tummy. For those of you who are me, you are not those of you who are not me. I’m starting a war for peace, blimey; the polecats help people help themselves to lunatic washing machines. A local underwater turbine engine sadly nailed 72 people in the pinky, who were found dead at the scene of Santa’s violence. Don't blow them all up (and sideways) but let’s use bigger nuclear 'plosions. Performed by an appearance from producers across a saucy national secret. Like an electric eel, I’m infected with your winks. Across the street he ran, to the exact spot he was born. Dialing. Dancing. They were played like a fine tuned flute. The airplane finally made an emergency landing and crashed into the hanger where it was never built in the first place, now that’s planning ahead! Whatever floats your tugboat dear. Oh it does its warm and just the right fit. You can say that again, you can say that again. He’s often doing that. Sorted peanuts have the same effect, so peace broke out and his heart burst open. And now we turn to something inhumanly delightful. Like a sheep in the morning, are you here on holiday or do you live in this tree. They hop about the field on their back legs, making musical aviation completely possible. Unlike an oiled up Scotsman eating an entire wildebeest. What makes a man want to be a mouse, what form of addictive cheese makes a life change around so quickly? So I think, eh, I think I’d stomp them in the shin. You see, I too was a nonexistent beefcake, running happily through the jungle with only me knife to fend off the aggressively clean natives. They’re not even married, not with a filing cabinet; I don’t like the sound of his liver, all that squeaking and such. Appears your witness is departed, or so near to being dead, that being alive is a bit of an overstatement. There are no easy answers in this case. It's not a giant pill, it's the pill bottle, and you can wear it like a vest. I guess it is handy sometimes having your mouth constantly open. So darned happy and cured. Outbreak free ever since! You and you over there are actually ONE BEING. Why do people play with their food? GIANT MUFFIN CHEF HAT, Batman. Hallucinating and all. Oh well *dances*. HECK YES THEY DID! I totally have a smooshed up idea. The only proven cure for being on fire is pills. Smile knowing that leprechauns are picking at the fabric of time. Nothing better than extra expenses when hunting for conveniently placed secret treasure which will be foiled. If any of my old pants get a hole in the crotch I'm just going to wear them as a shirt. I am cozy in my field of paper flowers and candy clouds. You may not remember dreaming, but the dreams remember you. Promise you’ll refrain from throwing yourself at the mercy of a train. Regardless of warnings, mango juice educates your tongue of the mighty kung fu. A fourteen year old sitting in an electric chair has a golden ticket, a golden twinkle in his eye. Don’t close your eyes, who knows what lies behind them. I lye inside my mind for hours, and watch my purple sky eat jolly good toast. A symphony of thunder and lightning, dangerous winds above in the atmosphere, yep yep. The other American government reads your mind! Laptops are new age hocus pocus is unclean. May another year make you literate? It needs to be a completely nude moose or no deal. I frown when stuff comes out of my face. I voted against disease in the last election. Olay! I am a meat Popsicle. Eight dozen potatoes ago in the splendid days of Gandalf’s ancient Chinese secret of Value-Add Software, he plucked a ripe hobbit from a bush and named it Merlin who later changed his name to Gandalf and back to Merlin and back to Gandalf and then to Suzy, who plucked the bushy woman-like fur from Leg-less the Elf and made him scream out so loud the next universe pounded on its ceiling with a broom-end and shouted “keep it down up there, blasted hooligans and eye candy!” So the spiffed-out space station went hurling into the Sun and then decided it liked the color-changing effect on some cars but not icky teal and so teal was erased from existence and replaced with mobster squirrels with pinky rings. You can take my body but not my mind, you salty tears of lovingly quenched popcorn pizzazz. Thus the Great War of tap dancing and shimmering top hats had impeccable timing, if you ask the president of my cozy bed sheets made of pure woven rainbow. In other relevant world news, my radiant man-skin is smooth like silk so the ocean slipped on me and fell face down on the sea floor. Japan called it a tsunami because they are so small with itty bitty tickly fingers. They tickled the ocean and it hoofed it outta there to get its GundamWing robo-gizmo transformer thing because it desired to seek to gain to receive to acquire slippery revenge yet then it forgot and memorized every episode of Hamtaro. Also Ghost In The Shell and Serial Experiments Lain, and Sealab 2021, and and FLCL, and possibly even Bugs Bunny. I’m stoked you don’t get the Asian BigBird Flu from all that Anime, brought to you by the letter C for Canada Is To Blame For Everything because they’re in cahoots with my shadow. Third they invade our trivial prestigious country with their dripping wet high-tech wizardry leased from our rival Tokyo/Ginza, first they steal our succulent ham and pin it on the dirty corrupt mermaids, ninth they do squeaky wiggly things with their chubby toes, and Call Now if you think you’re an Australian who likes to slither around in the mud like a slippery butter-covered eel in a frying pan. “Horsefeathers shenanigans”, lectures a tiny man in a savvy banana suit and no eyeliner. Have you heard of the legendary festival of when I dropped a green sour pickle on the floor and left it there? Man alive, I couldn’t live with myself after that. Like my great grandfather might have never said but most likely ate jellyfish that day, “if it’s not roasted it’s the answer to my every question, also a dream crushing dose of pineapple-flavored magma”. Thus ends our saucy tale of hero’s and mighty stuffed Pikachu attacks on this chipper Utopian voyage into the center of philosophical unification under the hydrodynamic pulse-quantrofying computational flux-amplification laser beamy thingy. (Godzilla rubs his tummy and giggles.) Such are modern times, if you ask me while balancing a hot slab of ham on my head as I fall into a vortex of sheer salty depth of quandary and kawaii chibi suuuuogi caffeine. Yeah, no, yes, nah, make sense for you? Eggnog does this to some, not to me though, as I am hero super plus ultra from Japanese translation anime turbo mega pro Dance Dance Revolution. Shiver me timbers matey, this one’s a rare species indeedly doodley. Fresh like a Final Fantasy Moogle in rehab, trust your life to your shoe. I’m swimmingly well, now taste my arm I just rolled around in barbeque sauce singing “you’re my pretty bumble bee, Aye aye Cap!” But I digress; robot sheep are more appealing than a tasty jellyfish. Giggling Japanese schoolgirls leaping out of a sparkling flying train made of heart-shaped rice cakes, onto a warm garden world of fruit, cuddly purring animals, and water slides in shimmering ice caverns. If you eat avocado salad you'll be hurled into a fuzzy land of Sun drenched flowers nibbling your limbs apart as your spine twists and snaps into shards of hot glass reflecting your innermost secrets for the whole world to see. But it'll turn you into a stronger crazed spider monkey out for a midnight torso. Fairies trapped in dishwashers are low in vitamin C. Pedro the cunning elf that is really a cunning hamster with a plot, a dirty secret plot to eat illegal cheetahs. You can’t torture a talking elephant, it’s illegal, and it would be pretty hard to drown one. Baby elephant’s drive trains. I punched one of the game servers and the whole internet went down and that inspired the invention of milk while Santa spends his free time typing love letters to toy manufacturers. People talk about the 'sun' and the 'sea' and I’m like what is that, all I know is my dark office, where I hit the Delete key really hard and it deleted the whole Internet, sweetcheeks. The boogey man checks his closet for Jet Li before he goes to bed. I can never get a monk on my team but I used his patented diet and workout plan. Ah, I feel like a new born Lockness Monster. One man asked me for salt and I exchanged it for his daughter who exchanged me for salt that she gave to her father. You’re off your trolley; I remember that one time I locked my keys out of the car. I asked what antivirus she uses and she looked at me with glazed eyes, my favorite color is sparkle. Ladies and gentlemen, a slippery moose in a cat suit while kidnapping an inflatable giraffe president on the underground mountain was formed by congress on the moon to keep Friday off the calendar or visit us on the web at www.com brought to you by dreadful products that proved ineffective against our newest prehistoric weapon of minimal destruction because speeding is enforced by suspicious giddy polar bears hopping on the ceiling. Inflatable popcorn tricycles are time traveling mermaids and flying plastic rhinos have feelings too, don’t eat the sofa. Potato-eating visitors expected to complain daily. If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery; if you wear tight clothes, beware the machinist. Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of. Get a faith lift to remove worry wrinkles. Learn from your parent’s mistakes use birth control. Today’s special is no ice cream when this sign is under water this road is impassable. We execute customers in strict rotation open one month a week. Please bathe inside the tub. Women and other diseases are catcheable seven days a week and weekends. Seat belts make it harder for aliens to steal your cornbread, so drive sideways with a Chihuahua that is a dog that looks like it’s still far away because nuclear war ruined my pie. If my calculations are correct, a slinky plus an escalator equals everlasting fun. “The” and “Who” are common words thus not included in your search. I wish my lawn was Goth, so it would cut itself. That ice-cream truck just hit the same kid three times. Tetris is so unrealistic. Roses are red, violets are blue, all of my base, are belong to you. Does this rag smell like chloroform to you? I was wondering why Frisbees look bigger and bigger as they get closer to you, and then it hit me. Moo spelled backwards is moo, no wait. It was love at first /whois. Foiled still, 1941 became 1940. My dog ate my domestic industry. A virus is language. I am with delicious, we got ham. Cats have the bomb. A spine in my meat. There are no foreigners closer than Canadians. No time for foam rubber rings. Skin improves the appearance of wrinkles. I don't think, therefore I am not. Feminists are so cute. Without ME, it's just AWESO. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. A giant metal cactus handed me a tulip, because helmets don’t protect certain types of feet. One should not drive a blimp while sleeping or unconscious, due to microwaves being used to dry wet pets. So remove children from the stroller before folding it. Nuclear winter may irritate sensitive skin. Use like soap to avoid serving suggestion. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill gradually. Wheelbarrow not intended for highway. Do not drive cars in ocean, as small children not to be used as a personal flotation device. Box of hammers may be harmful if swallowed while climbing a rope with one hand. Warning, this is not underwear, do not put in pants. Do not place bottle rockets in trained chimpanzees mouths, as rat poison is known to cause explosions in laboratory mice. Previously hot shark meat may be hot after heating and or burning in forest fire. Fragile, do not drop aircraft carrier on solid land. Frisbee may contain small parts that lead to death in laboratory meerkats. Dog shampoo should not be fed to fish that are born in a log cabin they built with their bare hands, or fins in this case. This empty shoebox is MP3 compatible. Take two aspirin for excessive bleeding. The pope is here somewhere, clever little man with his glowing whales. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog, to skedaddle from four baby seals living in our parking lot. Featuring none of the products shown here, it’s illegal to kick a baby elephant without Olympic elephant kicking shoes. How does it look on me after mail-in savings? Superman cried himself to sleep. The guy who invented the corn dog is right behind you; he rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash instead of taking a shower, and then skewered a man with the Eiffel tower. After beating the Sun in a dangerous staring contest, BigBird ran out of CornNuts, ending his feeding frenzy. Clap with one hand and dribble a football with the other. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Remain silent; anything you said has been misquoted. Tests show that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population. Cars were invented to flee from Godzilla, who then invented car accidents, and doesn't own a can opener so he chews through the can. I eat my pizza shaken, not stirred. We’re seeking a stunt double for Optimus-Prime, who puts the FUN in Funeral. His boomerang was too scared to come back. When robots cross the street, the cars have to look both ways. The same robots visit an active volcano every morning to get some of the best espresso coffee on Earth. In an emergency, your ego can be used as a flotation device. Your money is safe and secure with a scam-o-rama checking card. Giving up is the easy weight-loss program, although you lose no weight. The grim reaper doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage and makes onions cry, and when his death quota is full he’ll use catch and release on aging cheetahs. When Mozart is ready to wake up, he tells the sun to get the above the horizon. Research of research causes cancer in rats that started out with nothing and still have most of it. Ehen renting a pizza, maintenance and repair is a very serious topic. Dogs IQ can be expressed simply as a sideways eight…without the eight. The ground beneath tugged in synch, cluttering the sun-drenched peace. The brain masticated, bliss sighed humorously. Industrial machinery transmitted. Rusty pipelines tumbled down like an addiction. Eternity threw the switch like a grand opera. Automated robots wheezed like flowers. Mysterious code perished. Today’s nightmare begins with a wet dog, a battle between a rubber piggy and a puppet moose; lastly the man-eating hamsters. Let's mingle with the producer, who calls herself the great frolicking mongoose. Subtitles in piggy grunts only. Lizards paraded today as their beloved talking coconut queen ate the world's supply of oil and then couldn't escape the tasty snack machine pelting her with rejected change. Then a taco did nothing. Such things happen, in the moonlight zone, we control the horizontal and vertical. Tuesday the FBI is looking for a shaved bear wearing a mask which looks like himself. Deep fried whale feet indeed. Let me tell you a story, nay a legendary tale, about giant waffles that put an end to the shaved bear terror. Ignoring the legendary tale, we turn the mic to Pablo who got slapped with a waffle made of soap made of sizzling bacon. I was banished to a planet of artificial beavers that can't shut their eyes forever, they have to breathe sometime. As a bonus gift, we'll be shutting down your electricity service for the next twenty years. This just in, I'm haunted by a dancing pig with a top hat and cane. We turn to some reporter who turns to another reporter who exploded so I guess there isn't any news today in the whole world. According to a crumpled piece of paper I found in my burrito, a hollowed out oil tanker makes for a handy storage bag. Yeah. In the ongoing battle against nature, we show you how to load flame throwers into a giant machine gun and that into a catapult with a pile of hot knives and aim it at an ant hill. This will either destroy the earth or just make the ants angry, either way you have done your part. Take caution, flame throwers have sharp edges, do not be tempted to eat them. Machine Guns are edible, chew-able, and all around delightful to snack on while climbing Mount Everest on lunch break. Bring your spare hot knives to ward off penguin mobs and Abominable Yeti snow monsters. When asked why they terrorize humans, Mr. Snickers the Abominable snow monster simply said he was raised by Ants who were shamelessly slaughtered by humans and their flashy catapult technology. Just then, a mob of penguins held Mr. Snickers hostage for a bag of fish. In less recent news, just now The Borg, Robocop, The Terminator, and Honda Asimo broke into a lollipop shop and devoured all the cherry mints. Yeti cried a little. They then sat around playing spin the bottle until the Navy Seals, Army, Air Force, CIA, FBI, and Interpol showed up to join in on spin the bottle. It turns out that Robocop was thrown out of the game for only being part machine and thus cheating for the Army. The FBI argued it was a mix up in papers and everyone should be burned at the steak. Ears perking at the thought of tender steak, The Navy started a Barbecue to settle quarrels. A mob of penguins showed up with A1 sauce and everyone danced the night away. Even the nervous park squirrels joyfully frolicked about the spinning bottle, but they had a devious plan in store for humanity! Just then nothing happened, a whirlwind of nothing, so much that the sky was sunny and birds chirped unaware of the horrible nothingness. Mr. Snickers the snow monster sat licking his paws; as The Police, Firefighters, and Lifeguards, valiantly fought a horde of vicious space rats with the one wish of dressing up as penguins and eating fish all day long. Attacked by an evil girl scout with her foot stuck in the ground, a police man with a squid brain fought back with a dancing robot gopher, while eating amazing muffins paid for by the Exploding Muffin Corporation. Falling over a puppy brushing it's teeth is my favorite past time, says a stranger through a cardboard tube. With a clever plan of tossing a dog in a bag, Peter ate toast instead. You may razzle-dazzle me now, as written on a cheetah taco. We now join the mango fanatic Mr. Grumpy Snail as he puts away his fancy hat and learns to speak Spanish. On his first expedition to the center of the earth, limited only by miles of solid rock, Mr. Grumpy Snail realizes a turkey can only be tuned by a fresh mango. In the middle of a slow motion back flip, the moose with a rash became a librarian. Inflatable army tanks are no mess to deal with. A slippery frog in an Easter Bunny costume was giving out blankets that taste like chocolate milk. Airport lines break into song and dance at random, serving free ice cream to the tune of the national anthem. It's never the wrong time to search for treasure on the short drive from the U.S. to China. Water isn't allowed at the supermarket after the flood of '82. Baron Von Random Guy doesn't put up with the hullaballoo of a hootenanny.\\
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