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humor:marriage_jokes
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humor:marriage_jokes [2018/03/19 19:49] reb |
humor:marriage_jokes [2018/03/25 05:01] (current) reb |
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| - | ❤ Marriage is made in Heaven! So is lightning and thunder. \\ | + | ❤ Marriage is made in Heaven! So is lightning and thunder.\\ |
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| - | ❤ Don't laugh at your wives choices, you're one of them. \\ | + | ❤ Don't laugh at your wives choices, you're one of them.\\ |
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| - | ❤ We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. \\ | + | ❤ We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.\\ |
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| - | ❤ There are two times a man doesn't understand a woman: before marriage and after marriage. \\ | + | ❤ There are two times a man doesn't understand a woman: before marriage and after marriage.\\ |
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| ❤ A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.\\ | ❤ A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.\\ | ||
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| ❤ A three ring circus is engagement ring, wedding ring, then suffer-ing.\\ | ❤ A three ring circus is engagement ring, wedding ring, then suffer-ing.\\ | ||
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| - | ❤ A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.\\ | + | ❤ A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. |
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| + | ❤ My husband yaps so much his tongue got sunburnt, so I bandaged his mouth shut. \\ | ||
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| ❤ My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -Rodney Dangerfield\\ | ❤ My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -Rodney Dangerfield\\ | ||
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| - | ❤ I haven't spoken to my wife all day -- I don't like to interrupt her.\\ | + | ❤ I haven't spoken to my wife all day – I don't like to interrupt her.\\ |
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| ❤ The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.\\ | ❤ The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.\\ | ||
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| ❤ A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present. | ❤ A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present. | ||
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| + | ❤ My wife is a doctor, but her patients are sick, I told her it must be her face.\\ | ||
| + | .\\ | ||
| + | ❤ I never thought I'd be glad to see her again, and you know what, I'm not. | ||
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| - | ❤ A man said he loves his wifes beautiful defects, a woman says her defects kept her from a marrying a beautiful man.\\ | + | ❤ A man loves his wives defects, a woman says her defects kept her from a marrying a useful man.\\ |
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| ❤ Marriage isn't a word, it's a sentence - a life sentence.\\ | ❤ Marriage isn't a word, it's a sentence - a life sentence.\\ | ||
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| ❤ A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.\\ | ❤ A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.\\ | ||
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| - | ❤ A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. – Helen Rowland\\ | + | ❤ A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. – Helen Rowland\\ |
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| - | ❤ An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. – Agatha Christie\\ | + | ❤ An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. – Agatha Christie\\ |
| .\\ | .\\ | ||
| - | ❤ Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.\\ | + | ❤ Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.\\ |
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| - | ❤ By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. – Socrates\\ | + | ❤ By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. – Socrates\\ |
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| ❤ Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.\\ | ❤ Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.\\ | ||
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| ❤ Nine out of ten makeup stores my wife pays to call her pretty, have asked me for a raise. | ❤ Nine out of ten makeup stores my wife pays to call her pretty, have asked me for a raise. | ||
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| + | ❤ Jill: If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee. Jack: If you were my wife I'd drink it.\\ | ||
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| + | ❤ Marriage is an institution, who wants to live in one of those? - Groucho Marx. Submitted by Tim Ehnstrom of Springfield MA. | ||
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humor/marriage_jokes.1521488972.txt.gz · Last modified: 2018/03/19 19:49 by reb
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