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humor:marriage_jokes
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| - | To protect the questionably innocent, most sources are unknown. These marriage jokes are quick and lite humor. Real marriage is heartfelt and sacred, with reverence to our maker. Yet our maker loves laughter, so enjoy these jokes.\\ | + | To protect the questionably innocent, most sources are unknown. These marriage jokes are quick and lite humor. Real marriage is heartfelt and sacred, with reverence to our maker. Yet our maker loves laughter, so enjoy these jokes. - Royce Edward Barber of ONTU.org\\ |
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| ❤ A three ring circus is engagement ring, wedding ring, then suffer-ing.\\ | ❤ A three ring circus is engagement ring, wedding ring, then suffer-ing.\\ | ||
| .\\ | .\\ | ||
| - | ❤ A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.\\ | + | ❤ A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. |
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| + | .\\ | ||
| + | ❤ My husband yaps so much his tongue got sunburnt, so I bandaged his mouth shut. \\ | ||
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| ❤ My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -Rodney Dangerfield\\ | ❤ My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -Rodney Dangerfield\\ | ||
| .\\ | .\\ | ||
| - | ❤ I haven't spoken to my wife all day - I don't like to interrupt her.\\ | + | ❤ I haven't spoken to my wife all day – I don't like to interrupt her.\\ |
| .\\ | .\\ | ||
| ❤ The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.\\ | ❤ The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.\\ | ||
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| ❤ A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present. | ❤ A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present. | ||
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| + | .\\ | ||
| + | ❤ My wife is a doctor, but her patients are sick, I told her it must be her face.\\ | ||
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| + | ❤ I never thought I'd be glad to see her again, and you know what, I'm not. | ||
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| - | ❤ A man said he loves his wifes beautiful defects, a woman says her defects kept her from a marrying a beautiful man.\\ | + | ❤ A man loves his wives defects, a woman says her defects kept her from a marrying a useful man.\\ |
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| ❤ Marriage isn't a word, it's a sentence - a life sentence.\\ | ❤ Marriage isn't a word, it's a sentence - a life sentence.\\ | ||
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| ❤ A man said he would go through hell for his woman, and was held to that promise.\\ | ❤ A man said he would go through hell for his woman, and was held to that promise.\\ | ||
| .\\ | .\\ | ||
| - | ❤ A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.\\ | + | ❤ A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.\\ |
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| - | ❤ A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. – Helen Rowland\\ | + | ❤ A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. – Helen Rowland\\ |
| .\\ | .\\ | ||
| - | ❤ An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. – Agatha Christie\\ | + | ❤ An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. – Agatha Christie\\ |
| .\\ | .\\ | ||
| - | ❤ Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.\\ | + | ❤ Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.\\ |
| .\\ | .\\ | ||
| - | ❤ By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. – Socrates\\ | + | ❤ By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. – Socrates\\ |
| .\\ | .\\ | ||
| ❤ Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.\\ | ❤ Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.\\ | ||
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| - | ❤ My wife wanted something to go 0 to 60 quickly, so I bought a bathroom scale. \\ | + | ❤ My wife wanted something to go 0 to 60 quickly, so I bought a bathroom scale.\\ |
| .\\ | .\\ | ||
| - | ❤ My wife called me bright as the night sky, so I mooned her. \\ | + | ❤ My wife called me bright as the night sky, so I mooned her.\\ |
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| ❤ Nine out of ten makeup stores my wife pays to call her pretty, have asked me for a raise. | ❤ Nine out of ten makeup stores my wife pays to call her pretty, have asked me for a raise. | ||
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| + | .\\ | ||
| + | ❤ Jill: If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee. Jack: If you were my wife I'd drink it.\\ | ||
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| + | ❤ Marriage is an institution, who wants to live in one of those? - Groucho Marx. Submitted by Tim Ehnstrom of Springfield MA. | ||
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humor/marriage_jokes.1521488836.txt.gz · Last modified: 2018/03/19 19:47 by reb
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